358 days to go

OK so on Monday I signed up for Ironman Couer d'Alene in Couer d'Alene, Idaho. It was an exhilirating and terrifying experience all at once. I began doing triathlons in 2004. Just a year later I had already planned to do IMCDA. My plans got derailed by work, personal stuff and just general laziness but I came back in 07 with a vengence and I figured it's now or never.

There's something almost mystical about my need to do an Ironman. I mean probably 80 percent of the population doesn't even know what it is. This fact is verified by all the people who say "So when are you going to run the Ironman..." or "Is this a full triathlon..." as if any triathlon you do isn't full. But despite everyone's ignorance about my beloved triathlon sport I trudge on with my crazy notions of wanting to swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles and run 26.2 miles in one day. And it's not like I have to do it. I really want to do it. Who actually wants to do that? Guess I'm among the crazies.

I've often wondered what exactly made me sign up. I reread my tri log from 2005 and it freaked me out that I had already planned to do IMCDA in 2007. I had only been doing triathlons for a year. I'm definitely the poster-child for overachiever. And signing up for the IM is part of that cult of personality for me. But geez it's an Ironman - no small feat.

I secretly believe it's my need to be liked, loved and admired! :) How desperate and delusional is that. I mean it wasn't like I signed up for the Ironman in total silence. Like I just clicked the "enter" button and didn't tell anyone. Nope I talked about it beforehand. Put it in cyberspace. Sent an all user e-mail to my department (looking for accomodations I told myself...) made it a public pledge. But though I'm the world's most inwardly focused extrovert I'd much rather fly under the radar on this thing. Mostly because I do not like to fail. And more importantly I do not like others to know of my failures. I want people to think of me as the quit-witted, smart, stratetic thinker who rarely flups, missteps or makes mistakes. But if I don't finish...if I don't cross that finish line then the spotlight will not only be on me but my human frailty and failure.

Which is probably why I told everybody - it gives me no cushion. I have no excuse but to succeed and I believe that the human will to suceed can outlast, outwit, outdo anything that this world has ever come up with.

The race itself is almost incidental. I mean it's 17 hours out of my life. But it's the challenge that I find sallacious. Just like when I started doing triathlons in 2004 and I was 260 pounds. I know people in their head (never to my face - cause hey I'm a big girl) what does she think she's doing? And that made it all the more better. Sure Norman Stadler's going to finish an IM - I mean the man weighs in at a buck something and he's expected to. But me - a permanent BOPer who's fastest run ever is about a 13-min mile, who throws a freakin' party and revels when she gets above 18 mph on the bike, yeah me. I'll be doing one too.

And there it is folks - the journey makes all the difference.